The major reason we don’t change is that we associate more pain to changing than to stay where we are. We have all tried to make changes in the past and failed. This creates a pattern of disappointment and pain. Another reason for not making a change is that we may have fear of the uncertainty, of moving into uncharted waters. Of leaving others behind. Losing the approval of our peer group and family. All these cause us pain and will keep us from being who we are truly capable of.
ASK YOURSELF THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
Most people ask THE WRONG, What if… questions. What if I fail? What if I give up eating junk food and die anyway? What if I give up my anger/ depression/ resentment about being hurt and get hurt again? What if I leave this relationship/ job and don’t find another?
YOU DON’T CHANGE BECAUSE YOU’RE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTIONS. ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS LIKE: What will it cost me if I don’t change? What will I miss out on? How will it affect my life and the lives of the people around me & of people I love? My relationships? My health? AND, how will my life be better if I make the change now? How will it affect my future? My health? My relationships? What will I gain?
These questions will link enormous pain to not changing now AND enormous pleasure in making the change today. Most people are capable of making change and want to change. The reason they don’t change is that change must be driven by intense desire and urgency to follow through with the action necessary to make the change. Asking these questions will cause you to get motivated to change today.
BREAK OLD EMOTIONAL HABIT PATTERNS
Fear, worry and most other emotions or behaviors are simply habit patterns of a certain way of thinking, speaking and/or behaving. These patterns coupled with certain belief systems cause us to feel certain emotions. In order for us to consistently feel, think or act a certain way, we have to first develop habitual ways of asking the same questions, focusing on the same images and using our physiology (our body) the same way over and over again.
For example, think of a person that is depressed. How would they stand (hunched over), where do they look (down), what does their face look like (frowning, sad) and how do they breathe (shallow)? You can interrupt this pattern of physiology (and the feelings that go with it) simply by substituting a different habit pattern. Such as standing tall, smiling and breathing deeply.
STOP IDENTIFYING WITH YOUR LIMITING EMOTIONS
Another way to interrupt a pattern is to stop identifying with any limiting emotion. Such as… “I am depressed” Or “I am a failure.” Instead, say… “I am running a habit that gets me into a state of depression.” Or ” I am running a ritual on myself right now that makes me feel bad and I call that a failure.” The greatest mistake is to identify yourself with habits patterns, emotions and behaviors you have from time-to-tome or even all the time. You are not your emotions, habits or behaviors. You are much more than that.